Last week, one of my colleagues announced that he’s leaving his position at the university where we both teach. The announcement took me by surprise, not only because I can’t imagine the university without him (he has that kind of presence in the world) but also because we’re at roughly the same point in life: same age, same academic rank, same position with regard to kids in and/or graduating from college. And the thought of moving on–to a new place or a new job–hasn’t crossed my mind, not in a serious way, in quite a while. I guess I just assumed this was true for my colleague as well.
His impending departure has lead me to wonder how many of us fall into that same pattern: settling into a job, and the life it provides, without even taking the time to consider other possibilities. Many of us, I think, stop asking whether our jobs are adding something positive to our lives.
“Settling” is a term we use most often with interpersonal relationships. Do a Google search and you’re going to find articles like “Am I Settling If I Marry My Best Friend?” But it’s applicable to our work lives, too. Settling means deciding that the job you have is good enough. More importantly, it means not making any effort to seek out something better.
Make no mistake, I’m all in favor of being happy with what you have. Constantly looking for something better is a recipe for unhappiness, no matter what kind of “something” you’re looking for. But that’s not the kind of seeking I’m talking about here.
Settling in our work lives means not even asking the question Does this job make me happy? It means ignoring the fact that you have the privilege of asking yourself that question. It means deciding that question is irrelevant–because, whether you’re happy or not, you won’t do anything about it. In short, settling means getting stuck on the “hedonic treadmill.”
In very basic terms, the “hedonic treadmill” is the idea that we remain at the same basic level of happiness no matter how our life circumstances change–exactly the same way we stay in one place while walking on a treadmill. This happens because of our human tendency to adapt to our circumstances. That, in turn, makes us harder to please the longer we’re in a particular situation.
This phenomenon is why many lottery winners don’t end up being much happier than they were before they became millionaires. It’s also why we eventually fall out of love with jobs that once brought us great joy.
What makes us happy changes over time, naturally. But when we settle, we stop thinking about those changes; we decide on a fixed place of happiness–or, what we identify as happiness–and put all our energy into maintaining that position on the treadmill. Eventually, this becomes so easy we can do it without much thought or effort. And when we get used to not thinking, we stop asking ourselves questions like Does this job make me happy?
How can you tell if you’re settling?
You complain about work. A lot. I think we all probably complain about work. But if your friends and family members have started to roll their eyes when you launch into your daily rant, it’s time to ask yourself why you’ve stayed at a job that makes you so unhappy.
You’ve stopped looking forward. Do you feel like life simply churns along beneath your feet, like that treadmill? Are you just going along for the ride–or counting the hours (or days) until it’s over? If you can’t think of one thing you’re looking forward to in your work life, that’s a good sign that you’re settling for a job that doesn’t feed your spirit.
You think about work. A lot. If you’re settling for a job, you may spend a lot of time dreading the idea of going back tomorrow. You may, in fact, feel like you can never avoid the looming presence of the workplace.
You’re no longer inspired to do your best. If you’ve heard yourself say something like “I’ve been doing this job so long, I could do it with my eyes closed,” then you’re likely settling for a job that no longer provides a healthy level of challenge.
You’re envious of people who are making big changes. If you find yourself thinking I wish I could do that when a co-worker moves on to a new job, or relocates to another city, you may be ready for change yourself. At the very least, it’s worth asking Why couldn’t I do that too?
Quitting an unfulfilling job isn’t always possible–there are bills to be paid, and sometimes children to be fed as well. Looking for a new job takes time, money, and energy that may not be available. Geographical constraints sometimes limit our job prospects–as do family relationships, if you’re working in a family-owned business.
But knowing that the challenges you’re dealing with stem from your job, not from some flaw in your character, allows you to take the first step toward determining how those challenges might be addressed over the long term. Maybe the problem isn’t your inability to be grateful for what you have; maybe it has more to do with the job you’re settling for.
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