New Directions, not Resolutions

Now that we’re closing in on the end of the holiday season, many of us are thinking ahead to 2019 and the resolutions we hope will reshape our lives in the new year. But if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you already know that I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions. Here’s just a handful of the reasons why.

1. They tend to focus on outcomes, not actions. The very popular “I’m going to lose weight” resolution is toothless unless you determine why your weight is a problem in the first place, which helps you determine how you might solve that problem. When people do make big changes in their lives–for instance, when people commit to getting sober–that process of change involves determining why they’ve made poor choices about alcohol in the past and how they can make different choices going forward.
2. They tend to be hyper-vague (“I’m going to take better care of myself”) or so specific that they’re unsustainable. The very vague “taking care of yourself” might include regular trips to the gym and skipping the gym so you can have coffee with an old friend. The more specific “I’m going to eat a fruit or vegetable with every meal” is a sustainable plan only if you have a.) time to shop frequently, b.) easy access to a source of fresh produce, c.) money to buy fresh produce, and d.) a sincere desire to eat more fruits and vegetables.
3. We often make resolutions with an eye toward becoming someone new in the future, rather than acknowledging that who we are in the present is the material we have to work with. That’s the reason why most resolutions don’t last more than two weeks. None of us become a new person simply because we’ve purchased a new calendar; it’s pointless to act as if we will.

So does that mean we shouldn’t bother planning forward into the new year and setting goals for ourselves? That we shouldn’t try to eat better, or get more exercise? Of course not. I’m a big fan of evaluating my current situation and taking the initiative to move forward in new directions. Setting those kinds of goals is something I can do without resolving to change who I am–a losing proposition if ever there was one.

Here are some of the new directions I’ve pursued in 2018.

Finances

In July, I created a new budgeting system for our family. When Mike was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease last summer, we decided that it was important for me to take over managing our family’s finances. I thought about using a budgeting software program–there are dozens of them out there–but the setup for those programs just seemed like too much work. Plus, I wasn’t crazy about revealing our credit card and banking information.

So I worked with Excel and, after a little trial and error, came up with a system that works for us. Dealing with money is my least favorite thing in the world, but I set aside some time for doing budget work and just made it part of my weekly routine. Like folding laundry, it’s a task I don’t enjoy but manage to do anyway. And the truth is, taking charge of our budget gave me unexpected peace of mind: I feel better informed, more in control, and completely equipped to face whatever the future brings us.

Planning

I grew up in a military family, so planning is part of my DNA. Nevertheless, I’ve been delegating part of the responsibility for planning in ways I never did in the past. For instance: I’m the designated grocery shopper in our household. Last September, I started using this printable grocery list (available free from Day Designer) as a way of collecting information. Whenever Mike or our son notice that we’re running low on something, they can make note of it themselves, thereby helping me to create a shopping list.

This system has all kinds of benefits. I don’t have to keep track of multiple notes or lists people have started in various places; I’m not in charge of writing down what someone told me in passing; and it’s an effective way of dealing with special requests. If they’re not important enough for someone to put them on the list, they’re certainly not important enough for me to remember. That’s one responsibility I was happy to give up.

Fitness

I’ll openly admit that my fitness routine is the first thing to go when life gets hectic. For the last few months, though, I’ve spent a little time on Sunday afternoons mapping out the week ahead–my meeting schedule, my regular teaching schedule, and my grading plans–in order to see where I can fit in a trip to the gym.

I’m much more likely to meet my workout goals when I can see there’s a designated space for them. And, when my schedule goes awry, I’ve given myself the flexibility to take a long walk or do some yoga in place of what I’d originally planned. That’s a much better option than curling up in defeat (in a comfy chair, with a soothing chai latte) or cursing the chaos of the universe.

 

I’m still contemplating the new directions I want to pursue in 2019, and of course I’m giving some thought to my word of the year. But the one thing I know for certain is that I’ll be the same person on January 1 that I am today. I’m going to make plans for her accordingly.