Are you among the legions of people worried about the weight you’ve been gaining since social distancing began? You may remember that, a few months ago, I was writing about my decision to rededicate myself to healthier habits, like eating better and exercising on a regular basis. Let’s just say the progress I’ve made on that front has been moderate.
And, yes, I’ve been disappointed in myself. Wondering why I lack any self-control. I’d like to blame it on the stress of the pandemic, but obviously I was struggling to manage my weight long before that.
Whenever I think about self-control, I envision it as something like slapping my own hand when I reach for the cookies. It’s an active, effortful thing. But according to many scientists, weight management has more to do with our genetic makeup and our environment than willpower. This helps us understand why the person who isn’t fond of sweets tends to be thin. It’s not that this person has better self-control; it’s that this person doesn’t need self-control, when it comes to sweets.
What science tells us is that human beings aren’t great at making themselves do things they don’t want to do. For a little while, maybe, but not for the long term. Those who appear to be good at this are more likely just built to enjoy the things that are good for us all.
So does that mean the rest of us are doomed to struggle with our love of sweets? No. We just have to learn how to work with the things we enjoy to get the results we want.
It makes sense to me that people who actually enjoy exercise (and I’m told they do exist) tend to exercise regularly. I had a gym membership for a number of years, and I did manage to make myself get to the gym three times a week for long stretches of time. But whenever life got really stressful, exercise was the first thing I dropped from my to-do list. As I realize now, that’s not because I lack self-control–it’s because I no longer liked going to the gym. I did for a while. But then I only liked having gone to the gym. I liked seeing my muscles develop and knowing I was strong. But I didn’t like being at the gym. Which is the reason I had such trouble getting to the gym.
When it closed down in March, though, I realized I was going to have to find some other way to exercise if I wanted to keep experiencing that delightful endorphin rush that comes with exercise. (That part, I do like.) So I started taking walks through my neighborhood–something I hadn’t done for years. I discovered that I really enjoyed spending time outdoors, seeing different flowers and trees blooming as the weeks rolled by. It also helped that many of my neighbors were out doing the same thing, so I felt less isolated. And gradually, my walks have grown longer because I’m having such a good time. I’m getting more exercise, and that has nothing to do with showing self-control.
Finding something I liked to do was important, but routine is another piece of the puzzle. I try to keep an eye on the clock in the morning and get myself moving early on. I know I’m less likely to put on my walking shoes as the temperature heats up. Heading into the very hot summer months, I’ll have to think about how to get moving even earlier. When I go back to teaching on campus, I’ll have to figure out how that changes this pattern yet again. But no matter how it changes, I realize now that trying to make myself do something I don’t want to is a losing battle. I have to figure out what I want to do and work with that impulse instead.
If you’re reading this and thinking What I really like to do is sit in a big comfy chair and read a good book–believe me, I feel you. I have never been a natural athlete, and I never will be. But I’ve reached a point in my life where an hour of walking sometimes feels better than an hour of reading.
Because I actually do want to take care of myself. I want to do that both so I can keep taking care of Mike, and so my kids don’t have to take care of me for a good long time.
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